The Impact of Alcohol on Marriage

You've probably heard the phrase “the couple that drinks together, stays together.” Though it sounds humorous, there’s a grim reality behind it. Landmark studies reveal that alcohol consumption, particularly when one partner drinks heavily, is one of the strongest predictors of divorce (Leonard & Homish, 2005).

Think about that; it’s not just infidelity or financial troubles anymore. Alcohol has climbed to the top of the list.

Understanding Behavior and Addiction

The main danger to relationships lies not in the amount of alcohol consumed, but rather in the drinking habits of both partners. When drinking behaviors align, partners can better support each other. Conversely, discordance can lead to significant emotional issues.

The Risk of “Drinking Alone” in Your Marriage

A nine-year longitudinal study from the University at Buffalo examined 634 newlywed couples. The findings are startling:

• When one partner drank heavily (six or more drinks at once or to intoxication), nearly 50% of those marriages ended in divorce.

• In contrast, if both partners drank heavily, or both abstained, the divorce rate dipped to around 30% (Leonard et al., 2014).

  
  

Researchers termed this phenomenon “discordant drinking.” It signifies emotional disconnection marked by one partner using alcohol to unwind or escape, while the other takes on additional emotional or practical burdens, fostering resentment.

A Word of Caution: Matching Dysfunction Isn’t Healing

Research indicates that discordant drinking increases the risk of divorce. However, it doesn't grant a license to find a partner who drinks similarly, especially if it’s unhealthy.

Matching dysfunction isn’t healing—it’s collusion.

Two heavy drinkers may seem to avoid conflict in the short term. Still, they’re also evading the growth necessary for a healthy relationship. They reinforce each other’s unhealthy coping strategies instead of fostering emotional intimacy.

It's akin to two individuals clinging to the same life raft with a hole in it. They may appear to be in sync, yet they're both sinking.

Addiction + compatibility ≠ safety.

Even matching drinking habits do not equate to a healthy relationship. The underlying issue is often what individuals are attempting to avoid. Shared escapism may feel like bonding, but more often than not, it's an unspoken agreement to dodge reality.

Eventually, one partner may yearn for more presence, parenting, health, and purpose. That’s when the facade of harmonious drinking habits starts to crumble. It will crack, trust me.

True compatibility isn’t about shared coping mechanisms.

It revolves around shared values, mutual growth, and the courage to heal.

Alcohol Doesn’t Just Damage the Liver—It Damages the Bond

Alcohol misuse diminishes marriages on multiple levels:

• Emotional unavailability makes intimacy challenging.

• Broken trust leads to unpredictability, unmet promises, and safety issues (NIAAA, 2021).

• Financial strain includes job losses, legal fees, and erratic spending (CDC, 2022).

• Loss of shared rhythm occurs when partners fail to connect emotionally.

  
  

Typically, the sober partner bears the brunt of household responsibilities: taking care of children, managing crises, and questioning themselves with, “Am I in this alone?”

It’s Not Just Behavior—It’s Also Biology

A significant Swedish study covering over 670,000 individuals highlighted the strong genetic link between alcohol use disorder (AUD) and divorce. Genes contributed roughly 52–54% to the overlap. Unique life experiences accounted for the rest (Sundquist et al., 2015).

This situation isn't merely a sequence of poor choices; it’s a complex web of biology, environment, and trauma.

However, genes are not fate. Patterns can be modified—if we don't dismiss alcohol’s significance as simply “stress,” a “rough patch,” or “just celebration.” Recognize that life will always bring stressors, challenges, and reasons to celebrate.

After the Split: What Happens Next?

Substantial research indicates that marital changes directly affect drinking habits. Studies by Kenneth E. Leonard and Gregory G. Homish at the University at Buffalo concluded that couples with mismatched heavy drinking habits saw diminishing marital satisfaction over time. In contrast, aligned patterns—whether heavy or light—helped sustain stability (Leonard & Homish, 2005).

Specifically, longitudinal NESARC data highlight a concerning trend: women leaving non-drinking or light-drinking spouses often amplify their drinking frequency and related issues. Conversely, those exiting relationships with problem drinkers typically see a reduction in their alcohol consumption afterward (Caldwell et al., 2013).

Additional long-term studies consistently reveal that social and marital transitions, including divorce, lead individual drinking habits to gravitate toward the ex-spouse’s patterns (Homish & Leonard, 2007).

The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) underscores this connection, asserting that marital transitions—especially those involving partners with alcohol problems—can significantly alter drinking behavior (NIAAA, 2021).

In summary:

Who you marry, and how that marriage concludes, can drastically reshape your own drinking habits, whether you end up consuming alcohol more or less.

So What Do You Do?

• Align your habits—or open a dialogue about discrepancies. Silent suffering never resolves anything.

• Inquire without accusation. Try asking, “What does alcohol do for you? What are you trying to escape? What does it mean for you?”

• Seek help early. Couples therapy, addiction counseling, and support groups like Al‑Anon, AA, or SMART Recovery can all be beneficial.

  
  

Alcohol may be socially acceptable, but when it becomes the unwelcome guest in your marriage, it will not sit quietly. It demands attention, drains connection, and can ultimately lead to the dissolution of your relationship.

Bottom Line?

It’s not merely about drinking; it’s about disconnection. If your marriage feels distant and alcohol is involved, reflect on this question: Is this nurturing our growth, or is it slowly pulling us apart? Both your instincts and the research point toward the truth, but the choice remains with you—what do you prioritize: the alcohol or your partner?

Need support?

At Voyages Counseling, we assist couples grappling with addiction, resentment, and disconnection. Whether you’re striving to salvage your marriage or simply understand the underlying issues, help and hope are available.