How It Impacts Families and What We Can Do About It
"Do I want to be right, or do I want to have a relationship?" It's a question I often ask my clients when they struggle to balance self-interest with the messy, beautiful demands of connection. And lately, it feels like this question extends far beyond the therapy office— not only does it apply to me but to society as a whole.
Everywhere we look, there's a hyper-focus on self. Personal success, curated social media feeds, "living your truth." These aren’t bad things. They can even be empowering. But when "me" takes priority over "we," it starts to challenge the foundation of what makes us human: connection, responsibility, and shared purpose.
Are we living in a time of cultural narcissism?
And if so, how is it affecting the things we hold dear—families, relationships, community?
What Is Cultural Narcissism?
First, let's clear something up. Narcissism isn’t just vanity or selfishness. At its core, it’s an intense focus on oneself, often at the expense of others. When this mindset becomes embedded in culture—when society rewards and normalizes self-promotion, instant gratification, and individual accolades—it’s called "cultural narcissism."
We see this everywhere:
On social media, the quest for perfection is measured by likes and followers.
Consumerism emphasizes "treat yourself" over sustainability or long-term thinking.
Marketing messages that scream, "Make YOU happy—you deserve it!"
These behaviors aren’t always intentional. Many of them are so ingrained they feel like second nature. But over time, they add up. They shape how we see ourselves, each other, and what's important in life.
How Cultural Narcissism Affects Families and Relationships
Here’s the hard truth, and it might sting a little... Cultural narcissism doesn’t just stop at individual behaviors. It seeps into how we build (or fail to build) relationships. If society increasingly values self over others, it’s no wonder that families and connections feel the strain.
Delayed Commitments:
With the spotlight on personal goals, many people are pushing traditional milestones like marriage and parenthood further down the road—or skipping them altogether. This isn’t inherently bad! But when personal fulfillment always outranks family responsibilities, it can slowly chip away at the societal value of long-term connections.
Shallow Connections:
Instagram likes aren’t relationships. I know—obvious, right? Except nowadays, it's easy to confuse digital interactions with real ones. A text thread is great, but it’s no replacement for the depth and vulnerability of a face-to-face conversation. Building meaningful relationships takes time, effort, and sacrifice—stuff that doesn’t fit neatly into a 15-second TikTok clip.
Parenthood? That's for Later (or Maybe Never):
Raising humans means putting someone else’s needs ahead of your own. And in a world obsessed with self-fulfillment? That doesn’t exactly scream "dream lifestyle." Parenthood is imperfect and messy and rarely Instagram-worthy. But it’s also deeply fulfilling, offering rewards you can’t measure by followers or likes.
Population Concerns and Beyond:
When family formation and child-rearing take a backseat to individual pursuits, it can eventually create larger societal challenges—like shrinking populations and fewer people to sustain economies. Look at countries where birth rates are declining (eg. Japan & Italy), and you’ll see the ripple effects in aging populations and economic strain.
Why Narcissism Is Hard to Spot?
Here’s why this issue is tricky to tackle—the water we’re swimming in feels normal.
Think about it:
Working late to climb the career ladder? That’s admirable.
Branding yourself online? Empowering.
Spending hours comparing your life to someone else's curated vacation photos? Totally normal. (But don't lie—it's not helping anyone.)
When society normalizes these self-focused behaviors, they stop feeling like the choices we make and start feeling like "just how life works." And that lack of awareness makes change incredibly difficult.
This isn’t about blame. It’s about awareness.
How Can We Rebalance Society?
Good news—we’re not doomed. (Trust me, I wouldn’t drop all this heavy stuff without offering some hope.) Cultural norms shift all the time, and they can shift again. Change doesn’t happen overnight, but it starts with small, intentional steps that ripple across communities and generations.
Here’s where to begin:
Celebrate Sacrifice and Connection:
We’ve got to stop framing "putting others first" as a loss. It’s not. Sacrifice—whether through parenting, relationships, or community work—brings deeper fulfillment than anything you can buy or achieve alone. Highlighting this joy, especially in how we talk about family and connection, can inspire others to reprioritize.
Rethink Social Media:
We don’t need to quit social media to curb narcissism. (Unrealistic, I know.) But we can use it differently. Instead of chasing validation, what if we focused on meaningful connections? Share stories that are honest, not just polished. Celebrate others as much as yourself. Make it a tool for community-building, not self-promotion.
Support Families (on a Larger Scale):
It’s hard to invest in family life if it feels financially and emotionally unsustainable. Societal support—like affordable ch
ildcare, housing policies that prioritize families, and generous parental leave—can make all the difference. When we invest in families, we invest in stronger, healthier communities.
Teach Empathy and Collaboration:
Imagine if schools taught empathy as much as algebra. What if we placed as much value on emotional intelligence as we do on test scores? Teaching kids the value of connection, teamwork, and shared responsibility plants the seeds for a less self-focused future.
Walk the Walk:
Want people to value connection over self-interest? Show them how it’s done. Be the friend who calls, even when life’s busy. Be the parent who puts down their phone to play with their kids. Be the community member who shows up. People notice. And those small acts inspire change. This section is honestly a bit difficult for me.
The Balance Between "Me" and "We"
Yes, we live in an era that celebrates individual growth and ambition—and that’s not a bad thing. But we can’t lose sight of what makes us human:
Relationships - Families - Communities
These aren’t obligations. They’re opportunities—opportunities for joy, purpose, and belonging. It’s not about being perfect. It’s not about giving up personal fulfillment. It’s about balance. Because when "me" and "we" work hand-in-hand, that’s when society thrives, and future generations are blessed.
I see it every day in my work as a mental health professional. Lives transform when people invest in each other. Families heal when members prioritize connection. Communities strengthen when individuals step outside themselves to contribute.
We have so much potential—not just as individuals, but as a collective.
It’s up to us whether we rise together or fall apart.
Homework: Consider what values you prioritize today. Seriously, take some time to consider this.
P.S. For the skeptics out there: yes, even as a therapist, this article applies to me too.
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